It’s a week before Halloween, or Memeoween as they like to call it. The android Serhild is outside the Jester Gang headquarters sitting in the grass and thinking. Suddenly, a van with “free memes” written on the side pulls up. She eagerly runs towards the van and jumps in the back. Inside is Jester Teller sitting in the driver seat.
“Hey Jester, can I please have some memes?” Serhild asks.
Jester turns to her and says, “I lied. There are no memes. We’re going on a road trip.”
Serhild gets upset and yells, “What?!”
Jester continues, “Zorn inherited an estate from his uncle out in Kansas. So we’re going to check it out. Could be great new headquarters for us.”
Serhild angrily replies, “But I want memes!!”
Jester laughs and replies, “Don’t worry, we will stop by a store on the way.”
Serhild becomes more calm. “Fine.”
They drive to Scathach’s house to pick her up. Jester honks the horn several times. She finally comes out of her house.
She climbs into the van and says, “Ugh, I hate road trips. This better be worth it, nerd. And if the house is haunted… Nope, I’m out of there.”
The van drives away and Jester asks, “What’s wrong Serhild?”
“I don’t like ghost stories. They give me the creeps.” Serhild explains.
Jester looks back and says, “You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Serhild… You’re in one!” Then he laughs.
Serhild asks, “What do you mean?”
Scathach rolls her eyes and says to Serhild, “He’s just joking around. It’s a meme.”
Jester continues laughing while Scathach shakes her head.
Next, they go to pick up Zorn and Dr. Greist who is out shopping with Dr. Greist in preparation for the trip. Jester parks the van in front of Meme-Mart. Zorn and Dr. Greist come out of the store with a gummy cat creature following behind them.
Zorn walks up to greet them.
“Hey, dudes. We got plenty of snacks for the trip, and all for the other stuff we’ll need. Bringing my game console as well so I don’t miss out on game time.”
Looking over at Dr. Greist he sees her munching on some cookies.
“Duuuude! Those better not be my cookies.”
Dr. Greist takes out another cookie and stuffs it in her mouth and replies, “They’re mine now!”
Zorn reaches out to try and take the bag of cookies from Dr. Greist, but she’s too quick and she holds them high up behind her. As he’s pulling on her arm and reaching for the bag, he falls into her.
Serhild blurts out, “Ooooooh! They’re in love!”
Dr. Greist pushes him away from her.
“G-Get off me you idiot, or I’ll sic my gummy cat on you!”
Zorn straightens himself, dusts his outfit off.
“Oh yeah? Bring it! I can lick that pussy!”
Scathach quips, “That’s what she said!”
Serhild jumps, “Ooooh!”
Even the gummy cat creature sticks its tongue out.
Dr. Greist frowns at the pun.
“Please, stop with the sexual humor. This is why I prefer to hang out in the basement alone. No one there to get in the way of my work.”
Scathach continues mocking her, “But your boyfriend Zorn’s loves staying in the basement as well.”
Dr. Greist glares at her and snaps, “I meant by myself as in working, not gaming.”
Zorn tells Dr. Greist, “Pssshhhh, me and my consoles are fine company! Always keep me on good vibes! But for now I’ve got all the vibes and gear we need for this road trip.”
Jester asks the group, “So, everyone’s ready, right? Everything packed? Good!” Jester claps his hands together, “Let’s get this party started!”
The group piles into the van and head out. The road is quiet and uneventful until they pass a farm house. In the window, Jester sees a silhouette holding an ax and smiling.
Serhild gasps and asks, “Wait, why does that house have an axeman inside?”
Jester laughs then turns to her saying, “Relax, I’m sure it’s just someone chopping firewood or something.”
“Who the hell chops firewood indoors?” Scathach comments.
Zorn adds, “And the road dead-ends here anyway. That’s some scary shit.”
“Huh, guess the GPS lead us down a dead-end,” Jester says scratching his head. “No problem we’ll just turn back.”
Jester turns the van around, but then they see standing in the road a man wearing a mask carrying an axe. Jester slams on the breaks causing everyone to jerk forward.
Serhild is starting to worry.
“This is so spooky.”
Jester stays calm.
“Don’t panic guys. I’m sure it’s just a Halloween prank”
The group jumps out of the van.
The man is holding an axe in front of his face and has a grim look in his eyes.
“You can’t pass me.”
Scathach runs up to Jester and yells, “What the hell is this? Are we in some kind of stupid B movie?”
“Oh hey man, I remember this movie,” Zorn says.
“I don’t recall ever seeing it,” Serhild replies.
The man laughs maniacally and points a finger at them declaring, “You won’t escape the axe’s embrace!”
Jester holds out his jester staff gun towards him and fires a shot into the man’s chest. He falls over backwards onto the ground.
“Never bring an axe to a gun fight,” he says holstering his staff.
Scathach yells at the fallen axeman, “And you’ll never escape that L!”
Zorn remarks, “Geez Jester, you can’t just go killing people. It’s not funny.”
“He threatened to chop us with his axe! It was self-defense!” Jester responds.
Suddenly the man gets back up and laughs, “That won’t work on me. For you see…” He starts yelling as his clothes rip and body begins to change, “I’m a weredoge!”
Everyone stares in disbelief as the transformation continues. The man has become a massive wolfdog with sharp teeth and claws.
“The fuck?! That’s awesome!” Scathach comments.
Jester blasts the creature but it doesn’t seem to affect it. It scratches the ground like a dog and growls at Jester. Jester then materializes a meme magic card in his hand. “Let’s try this again. Cat Portal!” He crushes the card in his hand and a blue portal opens up in the air. A white cat that seems to stretch out forever comes flying out of it. It swoops in and swipes the weredoge with it’s claws. This forces the creature down to the ground.
The group steps away from it and watch as the weredoge climbs to its feet. Its head rears back as its jaws open up, showing its teeth. It leaps at them, but Serhild jumps into the way impaling it through the stomach with her spear. She yells as she spins around with the beast and then sends it crashing into the trees.
Zorn gives her a thumbs up and shouts, “Awesome move dude!”
However, the weredoge gets back up it’s wound regenerating.
“Damn, you’re strong for a girl! But a wound like this is nothing to me!” it exclaims.
Jester puts his hand on his chin and wonders, “How can we kill it if it keeps regenerating? It has to have some kind of weakness.”
“If it’s like a werewolf then it should be weak to silver. I Don’t think we have any though,” Dr. Greist replies.
Zorn asks, “What about fire? Regenerating monsters are weak to that in games.”
Scathach grins, “Only one way to find out.”
As the weredoge starts advancing towards them she begins to play on her electric axe guitar. Fire begins to swirl in the air around her.
“Keep it busy while I prepare the spell,” Scathach tells the others.
Serhild summons her meme monster, a frogman wearing blue shorts and khaki shorts called Fren, then they rush at the werewolf. Serhild stabs at the weredoge with her spear. It moves to the side only being grazed by the attack. However, Fren attacks from the side with a yellow bubble that slams into the weredoge soaking it.
The weredoge sniffs the air, and then with a look of disgust says, “What is that stench?”
Taking advantage of the situation, Serhild stabs again managing to pierce into the weredog’s chest. It swipes at her with it’s claws, but she flips backwards to safety. Fren returns back to her side.
Zorn pulls out his shotgun and fires a few rounds at the beast, and Jester joins in firing his jester staff gun. Annoyed, it leaps into the air and lands in front of Zorn.
Zorn looks up at the beast fearlessly shouting, “You’re huge, dude. But I’m a man and a half berserker! Rip and tear!”
He punches the weredoge in the chest… And it does nothing. He punches it again, and still nothing. He punches it a third time and a fourth time with no result.
Laughing the werewolf says, “I didn’t even feel those, old man. I’ll show you what a real punch is!”
“Yeah, dude, I guess that wasn’t going to work,” Zorn replies.
The weredoge lifts up it’s paw ready to smash it into Zorn. But it suddenly stops mid swing and howls in pain. On it’s back is the gummy cat biting into it. It shakes it’s body trying to get the gummy cat off. Suddenly, Serhild rushes in, leaps into the air, and stabs it in the eye.
“My eye! You bitch!” the weredoge screams in rage.
Angrily it swipes at her forcing her to pull her spear out and leap back. The gummy cat leaps off the creatures back and runs away.
The beast looks over to Scathach and notices the large ball of fire above her. She grins as she sends the fireball flying at it. The weredoge howls as it is engulfed in flames. As it tries to escape the flames it trips, falls on its back, and begins to burn.
“Roast dog anyone?” Jester asks looking around with a grin. “Oh wait, none of you are Chinese.”
Scathach just sighs and rolls her eyes. Zorn laughs and pats Jester on the back.
The weredoge begins to stagger back onto it’s feet still burning.
“Oh, come on! Why can’t this thing just die!” exclaims Jester shaking his staff at it.
“Time to go full power!” Scathach yells.
Her hair turns red and grows, her eyes turn red with yellow pupils, and her muscles bulk up. The guitar axe starts floating into the air. Leaping onto it she rides it through the air like a flying broom. As she flies toward the beast it swipes it’s claws at her. The guitar axe starts spinning around in the air cutting through the weredoge’s paw. Continuing on she slices through the throat of the beast.
A gargling sound comes from the creature as Scathach lands on the ground behind it. Leaping into the air she kicks it’s head tearing it off and sending it flying yelling, “Decapitation!”
With it’s head gone the body finally dies. Scathach transforms back into her normal self.
“Whew, glad that’s finally over.”
Dr. Greist looks over the corpse of the monster and comments, “I’d love to study this in my lab. I’ll call in a team to come pick it up.” She says as he pulls out her cell phone. After talking on it for a bit she puts it away.
“Alright, let’s get out of here before something else happens,” Jester says.
Suddenly they hear a scream, “Help! Help!”
They run forward and see a human woman in the arms of a large monster with eight legs and a large round head.
“What is this a monster convention?” Asks Jester.
“It got me! It has me!” She cries.
Looking closer at the monster it has three eyes and an elongated mouth filled with sharp teeth; it looks like a giant centipede with human looking limbs.
“Screw that,” Scathach says.
“Yep, let’s just go get back in the van,” Jester says as he turns around.
“Wait, don’t leave me here!” The woman screams at them.
Dr. Greist waves at her as they leave, “Sorry, you’re on your own. See ya!”
As they walk away Jester starts laughing, “What was that all about? It didn’t even look like anything that you would find in your average horror movie, or a nightmare. Did you see that face? Those hands? No man, that was one ugly creature.”
Zorn replies, “I kind of feel bad about leaving the woman there though, man.”
Scathach laughs, “Oh yeah, I know what you mean, she did seem pretty terrified.”
“But then again, who wouldn’t be afraid of an eight legged mutant centipede with razor sharp teeth and three eyes?” Zorn adds.
Serhild says, “That was pretty brave of us though, standing up to a monster like that and then walking away without even giving it a second glance. It’s too bad about the woman, though.”
They get back in the van and continue their journey.
Back at the woman she is sobbing as the centipede like creature raises her up to it’s mouth. It opens up wide and unhinges the jaw, revealing dozens of sharp pointed teeth.
Suddenly a blazing figure flashes by. The two arms holding the woman catch fire and fall off dropping her to the ground. The figure lands on the ground a short distance away. Standing up it’s seen to be a young Japanese woman with long silver hair and glowing yellow eyes. She’s wearing white and red ninja outfit. Fiery claws cover her hands, a lion tail made of fire swishes behind her, and on her head are fiery lion ears.
The centipede cries out and raises it’s stump arms which are ablaze. The fire quickly dies away and then it attacks. The ninja easily dodges its lunge and while in midair throws down a series of cross shaped daggers into it’s back. Landing gracefully she makes a motion with her hands causing lighting to come down and electrify the daggers. The centipede screeches.
A woman paladin with short blond hair and blue eyes emerges from the woods followed by three others. She is clad in golden armor, wearing a white cape, and on her back is a katana.
“Good job, Runo,” She says to the ninja.
Runo nods her head and says, “I can handle this, Mechtild. Get that woman to safety.”
A frog wizard clad in white robes and hat walks up next to Mechtild saying, “Lady Mechtild, I shalt bring the woman to safety.”
He waves a staff with a blue star shaped gem on top and the woman disappears, appearing next to the others.
Mechtild nods and says, “Thank you, Merlin. Chad, take care of her and keep her safe.”
A muscular priest checks on the woman and helps her to her feet.
“Don’t worry. If anything tries to harm her I’ll smash it in the face good with my hammer!” He says flexing his arm in which is held a golden hammer.
Runo Saito and the centipede monster continue to battle. It lunches at her with it’s jaws, but she flips backwards onto the side of a tree. Launching herself from it, she slashes across it’s side with her fire claw. Again it lunges at her and misses. She jumps from one tree to another.
Then the centipede raises its head and screaes it’s eyes glowing red. Red, glowing dots appear on the trees. The ninja braces herself. Suddenly where the dots are there are blasts that peel the bark off of the trees. She realizes the centipede is using a laser attack similar to a laser cannon. As the terrain about her becomes chewed up and broken, she continues to jump from tree to tree. She loses her balance as the tree she was standing on suddenly collapses.
Landing on the ground, the ninja rolls to the side just in the nick of time as the centipede smashes the ground where she was just laying. It turns it’s head and opens its jaws at her.
Suddenly, a white snake bursts out of the ground and bites the creature. The area around where it bit begins to freeze slowing the centipede down. There is the sound of gunfire as several bullets strike it.
Runo looks behind her and sees her comrade standing there, his two revolvers smoking. The man is dressed like a cowboy with a black leather jacket and a black cowboy hat. The white snake comes out of the ground and slithers onto his shoulders.
The man lifts up his hat slightly with one of his revolvers and says to her, “I see you needed some backup, miss Runo. Looks like I came in handy.”
With a slight smile Runo replies, “No need to worry about me, John-san. But thank you for giving me an opening.”
John says, “Think nothin’ of it. Now let’s get this bug squashed.”
The angry centipede shakily gets to it’s remaining legs and starts crawling towards them. John Creed fires another volley of bullets into it’s legs. It’s front half falls limp. Runo is concentrating flames swirling around her. She shouts “Blazing Storm!” A torrent of fire is released from her that begins circling around the monster creating a tornado of fire. The centipede writhes in agony as its body is now engulfed by the inferno. Soon, the charred body of the creature hits the ground with a thud.
Runo’s fiery claws, tail, and ears disappear. The yellow glow in her eyes fade revealing their silver color.
With a contented sigh, Runo says, “That takes care of that.”
As she turns her back on the body of the centipede, it’s body suddenly jerks back to life and lunches at her. Sensing danger Runo whips back around, but it doesn’t seem like she’ll have time to dodge it. Just as it’s jaws are about to close around her, Mechtild steps in shouting, “Holy Sword of Retribution!” Her katana swings through the air surrounded by a aura of light slicing the creatures head off. The two pieces of the centipede hit the ground.
In a playful tone she says, “You should take better care of yourself, you almost became a bug’s meal there.”
With a bemused look on her face Runo replies, “Yes, thank you.”
Merlin walks up to them examining the remains of the creature and comments, “This thing… ‘Tis no meme monster. ‘Tis a demon. There hath been reports of unusually frequent demon appearances as Halloween draws near.”
Staring at her katana, that is now covered in the creatures black blood, Mechtild says, “This…I don’t like this. We need to let the Church know that we may have an actual demon infestation on our hands here.” She wipes her katana clean and returns it to it’s sheath.
The Jester Gang finally arrives at the estate in Kansas. The house is large and well kept but a bit foreboding. They park the van near the front entrance.
“Okay, let me check this place out,” Jester says as he steps out of the vehicle.
“Man, my uncle left me a nice place,” Zorn comments as he looks around.
“Yeah, he did,” Jester replies, “But it could be haunted. Make sure to check thoroughly for ghosts. Those definitely lower the property value.”
Serhild says, “Ghosts? Really? That would be awful.”
“Well, we can just burn the place down if we find any,” Scathach suggests.
“No way, man! Real-estate is worth a lot these days. I could just sell it,” Zorn replies.
“I guess you’re right,” Serhild sighs, “If I knew it was this dangerous I’d have stayed home and played video games.”
Zorn laughs, “Ha ha! That’s my line, dude.”
Zorn unlocks the door and they go inside. He turns on the lights but then hears a loud noise coming from upstairs.
“Who’s up there?” he shouts. But there is no response.
“This place have a butler or maid?” Scathach asks.
Zorn shrugs, “I don’t think so.”
“Why don’t we split up and investigate? I’ll keep a lookout here while the rest of you search upstairs.” Dr. Greist suggests.
Jester Gang agrees and begins their search.
Jester and Serhild find a bedroom full of antique furniture and clothes in the closet.
“Is anyone here?” Jester calls out. There is no reply.
They continue their search of the room but find nothing unusual. They leave and continue to search the other rooms upstairs.
Meanwhile, Scathach and Zorn discover a room that seems to be in the process of being renovated. It has no furniture yet, but there are some tools left lying around, and the walls are being painted.
“I wonder how long ago it was that someone was last here?” Scathach comments.
“Yeah, this is kinda weird.” Zorn replies.
He then hears a noise coming from the next room over and goes to check it out. There he discovers a window which has been opened wide. He peers outside but sees nothing unusual. He closes the window and heads back to Scathach.
“Maybe there’s a ghost out there,” Scathach suggests.
Zorn decides to try calling out again to see if anyone is hiding nearby, but his voice echoes through the empty halls without reply.
Suddenly they hear the sound of a woman screaming downstairs. Jester and Serhild rush out into the hall to join Scathach and Zorn. They run down the stairs and find Dr. Greist poking and prodding a very pale woman in white with instruments. Upon closer inspection she has no feet and is floating in the air.
“D-Doc?!” Zorn stammers, “What are you doing?”
“I’m studying her,” she replies without even glancing at them.
The ghost girl looks at them with tears in her eyes saying, “Please help! This crazy woman is trying to kill me!”
Scathach raises an eyebrow and replies, “Aren’t you already dead? Because I’m pretty sure you’re a ghost.”
“Yes, she’s obviously dead. But I’m still experimenting on her,” Dr. Greist answers. “She keeps crying and begging me to stop, but it’s really fascinating.”
Serhild folds her arms across her chest and tells Dr. Greist, “Well, you need to stop. That’s not very nice.”
Dr. Greist frowns and reluctantly releases the ghost girl.
“Fine. I’ll let her go for now.”
The ghost girl floats over to Serhild and hugs her tightly.
“Thank you so much for saving me,” the ghost says as tears flow down her cheeks. “My name is Rhea. I died about 100 years ago in childbirth. Ever since then I’ve been trapped in this house. Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely or sad, I wander the house, looking for someone who might give me a little comfort.”
“Have you tried going out the door?” Jester says shrugging.
Rhea shakes her head and replies, “No, I always get chased away somehow. I’m too scared to leave the safety of the walls. One night I saw a strange light in the sky. A light brighter than anything I’ve ever seen before. When I went outside, I saw a creature! I ran back into the house and hid behind the curtains. Eventually it flew away.”
“Strange creatures now? Seriously? At least this ghost isn’t very scary,” Scathach says.
“Yeah, I guess she wasn’t all that scary after all. Kinda like her, actually,” Serhild comments.
Zorn looks at the clock and says to them, “It’s getting late, dudes. Let’s fix something to eat then get some sleep.”
They gather around the table and start cooking. Zorn makes toast and eggs while Jester fries hamburgers and bacon. Serhild helps Rhea prepare some food then sits her down at the table as well.
“Toast and eggs with hamburgers?” Scathach questions.
Zorn shrugs, “Hey man, toast and eggs is all I know how to cook.”
Rhea giggles, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before, but what exactly are you guys? Are you from another dimension? Another country?”
Jester smiles, “Not at all, friend. I’m a popular writer and philosopher.” He has his mask off to eat showing his spiky red hair and green eyes.
“I was in an indie metal band and a VTuber before I got merged with a demon,” Scathach says.
Serhild points at herself, “And I’m a pop star from a reality TV show. My fans call me Serhild the Sexy.”
Jester laughs, “No, she’s actually an android that we had created.”
“You’re a robot? How fun,” Rhea says, giggling. “And what about the new owner of this house?”
“Me? I’m just an ordinary guy that loves the 80s and video games,” Zorn replies.
Dr. Greist is studying Rhea.
“I’m a scientist and computer hacker. To think I’d find a real life ghost. There are so many experiments I want to run. We need to find a way to transport her to my lab.”
Rhea sees the sinister grin on her face.
“She’s scaring me,” Rhea says in a low voice.
Jester puts an arm around Rhea, “Ignore her. She’s a weirdo.”
After they finish eating, they clean up the dishes then take turns brushing their teeth in the bathroom. Then Scathach and Serhild share a bathtub and get washed while discussing the weird experiences they have been having.
“I can’t believe there actually was a ghost here. Not a bad one though. I think we can live with her. Also, what was up with that weredoge and freaky centipede monster earlier?” Scathach says while soaking.
“Yeah, why were we attacked by that thing?” Serhild asks. “I’ve only heard of them in horror movies.”
Dr. Greist’s head pops out of the shower and she says, “The weredoge is a mutant meme monster of some kind, obviously. However, that centipede creature didn’t look like any meme monster I’ve seen. A result of some sort of genetic experiment perhaps? Or it could possibly be a demon. I’d need more evidence before I came to a conclusion.”
“What even are meme monsters anyway?” Serhild asks.
“Meme monsters are creatures born in cyberspace out of our culture’s obsession with memes and our mass subconscious use of the Internet. They’re like a cross between an AI created from our collective consciousness and actual physical entities. Their actions and appearance are influenced by human influence on the internet. Basically, they are imaginary internet folklore made real,” Dr. Greist explains.
“That is so cool!” Serhild exclaims. “I never really understood what a meme monster was, but it sounds really awesome!”
Scathach turns to Serhild and says, “You don’t remember her going over this before?”
Serhild shakes her head and replies, “No. I must have been somewhere else during that discussion. Probably focused on gaming or something.”
After they all get cleaned up they retire to their rooms. The three girls in one room, and the two guys in another. They sleep peacefully for a few hours, but then in the middle of the night there is a sound at the window of the girl’s room. A shadowy figure is there with glowing red eyes looking inside.
Meanwhile, inside the Temple of S’s mountain fortress, The Grand Temple of Evil, a blue haired women with red eyes awakens with a start, rubbing her eyes. Kendra checks the time on her phone before stepping out of her bunk. She whispers something, and suddenly there is light.
She brushes her teeth with her cybernetic hand and checks her face in the mirror. As she walks back into the room she hears snoring from the other bunk. A small horned demon girl with purple hair is sleeping soundly in it with drool running from her mouth filled with sharp teeth. Kendra sighs and lifts her from the bed, then she drops her. The little demon girl hits the floor with a thud.
“Owwie,” the small purple haired demon mumbles. She sits up and rubs her forehead.
“Get up, Jaelle, you lazy bitch,” Kendra tells her. “Today is a big day.”
“What go on today?” Jaelle asks.
“It’s time to begin preparations for the annual Memeoween festival, you dim-witted demon girl,” Kendra answers. “Don’t you remember that we’re supposed to bring an offering for the God of Evil on Memeoween night? We need to figure out what type of meme we’re going to give him this year.”
“Oh, right. We give S a meme,” Jaelle nods.
Kendra rolls her eyes and says, “Memes are like food to the God of Evil. It’s how we appease him.”
Jaelle’s eyes light up at the mention of food and she nods saying, “Yes. Jaelle understand food very important.”
The purple-haired demon girl jumps off her bed and begins running around the room, frantically tossing various objects from under her bed and the closet.
“What the hell are you doing?” Kendra asks.
“Me look for memes! S love memes!” Jaelle exclaims.
“That’s not going to work! We can’t just give him any old random memes. It has to be something special, something important. These memes should represent our dedication to his cult.”
“Oh.” Jaelle frowns, slumping down in a dejected heap on the floor.
Then an idea occurs to her.
“We use puppies! Puppies always bestest meme!”
Kendra groans and tells her, “Come on, let’s just go meet with the others.”
Jaelle follows her through the temple to their meeting room where members of their Temple of S are already discussing ideas for what kind of memes should be sent to the God of Evil. At the head of the table sits a robotic demon jester in black and red. Both a jester hat and crown sit upon his head. He is Chaos Jester, the leader of the Temple of S.
As they enter the room, Chaos Jester gestures at the two empty chairs beside him.
“It took you long enough. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to send WB-13 to play the most annoying sound in the world to get you up. I realize you girls like to sleep in, but we have much work to do. Now that you’re here, let us discuss memes.”
They take their seats, and he claps his metal hands together.
“Now, let’s get down to business. What sort of memes can we give to our dark master, S, that will please him greatly?”
A young feminine looking Japanese man leaning back in his chair replies, “I don’t know. Maybe a bunch of anime memes? He might like those.”
Chaos Jester waves his hand dismissively and says, “That won’t work, Shun. Those are too overdone now. We need something more original.”
The young man huffs and crosses his arms.
“Sorry, Sensei.”
Chaos Jester then turns his attention to a red wizard robot that leaning on the wall in the corner.
“What about you, WB-13? Have any suggestions?”
He moves his shoulders in a way that suggests shrugging.
“I dunno. I’m no good with memes.”
“Very well. Kendra, what about you? Any ideas?” Chaos Jester says turning to her.
She bites her lip.
“I don’t know. There’re so many possibilities, and so little time. We need to think about this carefully.”
With the other members falling short on ideas, Jaelle smiles as she finally has a chance to show off. She cleared her throat.
“YAY! Jaelle amazing with the ideas. How about classic memes? Memes like pictures of cute puppies or even hamsters in hats. Puppies always bestest meme and personal fav.”
There is some silence, then it’s broken by clapping. Chaos Jester is standing, his metal limbs are clicking together. His voice is even.
“Splendid! Brilliant! Absolutely perfect!”
Kendra slams her fist on the table.
“What the fuck?! That’s what we’re going with? You said anime memes were overdone, but cute puppies and hamsters in hats are just fine? That doesn’t make any sense!”
Shun also says, “How is a hamster in a hat going to stir up memetic chaos?”
Chaos Jester steeples his fingers.
“Very well. I’ll make it a little clearer. What you said Jaelle is extremely close, but you’re not totally correct. If you want to cause the maximum memetic chaos, you must go to the farthest limits of stupidity and use it.”
The others look at each other for a few seconds, still not getting it.
“And what, dare I ask, is the farthest possible limit of stupidity?” said Kendra.
“A picture of a goldfish in a top hat. That’s your final answer. Now, go out, send it to the dark forces, and damn society in its entirety to the depths of chaos.”
With that, the debate ended. After hours of work to create a meme that was equally impossible to understand, they sent it off. There was no immediate impact. There were no memes splashed across the screen of every cellphone, no comments, nothing but complete and utter silence. It was a victory. And that was enough.
Back at the estate, the creature opens up the window. A long leech like tongue comes out of it’s mouth and slithers along the floor. It moves up into the bed along Serhild’s leg and towards her neck. It bites into her neck, but then the creature screeches in pain as the teeth hit metal. Serhild’s eyes fly open and she grabs the tongue. She yanks on it crashing the creature through the window and into the wall.
Scathach wakes up with a start sits up. “What the hell is going on?!”
Dr. Greist, who is sleeping on the floor, rubs her eyes and squints at the creature as it stands up. It has a bat like head with fangs, glowing red eyes, some sort of carapace instead of skin, small blade like wings on it’s arms, and bone like claws on it’s hands and feet.
“What… What is that thing!?” Scathach yells out in fear.
“Fascinating, it looks like a vampire but also an alien. I suppose we could call it a Space Vampire.” Dr. Greist says as she quickly puts on her glasses.
“Space… vampire?” Scathach asks.
Serhild points her hand at the space vampire with her fingers spread. The ends of the fingers open up and she fires five bullets at the creature. However the bullets bounce off the creature as it shields itself. It screeches and rushes at them swiping one of it’s blade wings at Serhild. She moves to the side dodging it then punches the vampire in the stomach sending it crashing through the door.
Zorn and Jester rush out of their room and see the creature, “What the hell is that!?” Zorn asks.
The girls run out of their room now with their weapons.
“Evidently, a freaking space vampire,” Scathach replies.
The space vampire turns around and sees the two guys standing there. With a quick motion it runs at them, but before it can reach them Dr. Greist throws a capsule through the air at it. The capsule bursts open and an expanding gummy bear creature comes out. It tackles the space vampire knocking it off balance. Following it up Scathach runs towards the creature.
She swings her axe at the vampire yelling, “Eat this freak!” As it strikes the neck of the creature unprotected by the carapace.
The creatures head flies off landing on the floor below. With a thunk sound.
Jester walks over to investigate the vampire.
“Definitely not your average vampire. Is it really from space? Well, at least it isn’t a clown.”
Rhea floats up to them.
“H-hey guys, we got a problem,” she says pointing out the window.
The gang rushes to look out the windows. Outside more of the space vampires can be seen moving through the darkness.
“Where are they coming from?” Jester asks.
“Who knows, but we’d better secure the house before more make it inside,” Scathach says looking out worriedly.
They rush to board up the windows and barricade the doors to the outside. Outside can be heard screeching and scratching sounds.
“They’re everywhere, dude! That’s it! Game over man, game over!” Zorn exclaims as he puts his hands together over his head.
Jester puts his hand on Zorn’s shoulder.
“Get it together, Zorn. We’ll manage somehow. Besides, I have an idea.”
Jester walks back to the table as the gang sits down and looks at him. He begins to explain his plan…
Outside the space vampires are climbing around the house trying to find a way in. They stop as Zorn is seen running outside the house.
As he runs Zorn yells, “Aw shit, dude! Why did I end up getting the short straw!”
The vampires screech and start to chase him.
“Damn, I’m screwed!” he screams as he runs away with his hands covering his head.
The vampires begin to close in. Then suddenly he leaps to the side. The vampires come to the stop as they see a fireball flying at them. They screech as the flames engulf them.
The space vampires in the back not set on fire look around in confusion. One of them sees Jester standing near the house and rushes at him. It swipes it’s claw at him, but it turns out it was just an illusion. Suddenly Serhild bursts from a window and slams her spear into the vampire’s head as she falls.
As she pulls her spear out and leaps off the falling vampire she yells, “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”
Behind the vampires appear Jester laying down gun fire, and Dr. Greist commanding a squad of gummy bear monsters. From the front Scathach comes flying in on her axe guitar slicing through some of the vampires. Meanwhile, Serhild rushes at the vampires in the back stabbing at their vulnerable parts with her spear.
A few vampires attempt to charge at Jester, but they are stopped by a large green dragon like creature with muscular arms. It’s Jester’s meme monster Draginate. Draginate roars at the stunned vampires before breathing a torrent of fire down upon them. The flaming corpses of vampires plummet to the ground as Draginate bellows loudly.
In a flash, the space vampires are all dead and Serhild is walking over them. Suddenly, one of the fallen vampires grabs her foot as she walks by.
“Gah! Dammit, I’ve been attacked!” She shouts angrily as she tries to shake it off.
Zorn walks up to the vampire and puts his double barreled shotgun in it’s mouth. Pulling the trigger he blasts a hole out the back of it’s head saying, “Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the shotgun.”
Jester walks over to him and gives him a high five.
“Well done!”
Dr. Greist inspects some of the space vampire corpses.
“What a fascinating race. I wish I could study one of them.”
Dr. Greist out of the corner of her eye sees one of the space vampires running away. She starts chasing after it yelling to the other, “Don’t let it get away! I must research it!”
“Hey, Doc! Wait! Don’t go running off on your own!” Scathach shouts as they run after her.
They follow the vampire through the forest, and eventually it runs into a cave deep in the forest. Dr. Greist follows after it. Jester notices a crater and downed trees near the cave.
“What caused that? A meteorite?”
“Wait, if these are space vampires… Then maybe that was left by their spaceship,” Scathach speculates.
“At any rate, we better go in after her. Who knows what’s in there,” Jester says walking to the cave entrance.
Scathach eyes the entrance, “You’re seriously going to go in there? Damn it, guess we have no choice though.”
They all enter the cave and find themselves in a dark and dank area. The only light being that of the moonlight outside. Scathach creates a small flame to light the way as they move through the cave.
“This place is pretty creepy. There is even spooky skeletons littering the floor,” Jester comments pointing at some remains on the floor.
Scathach and Zorn scream as they see the skeletons.
Serhild looks at them and says, “That’s what you get for being in a horror movie!”
They continue to walk through the cave until they reach a large chamber. Inside they see a huge metal coffin shaped object surrounded by eggs, and in front of it they see a space vampire holding Dr. Greist up into the air as she struggles.
Jester fires off his jester staff gun hitting the vampire in the eye. It screeches and stumbles backwards dropping her. Serhild rushes in and stabs it through the abdomen and tosses it towards Scathach who decapitates it with her axe as it flies through the air.
“Doc, are you all right?” Jester asks rushing over to her.
“I’m fine,” she replies standing up and dusting herself off, “Looks like this is the nest of the space vampires. Look at all these eggs.”
Scathach looks around at the eggs, “You’re right. We better cook these eggs.”
She summons fire and starts burning the eggs with them. Suddenly, a loud screech is heard from the coffin as it slowly starts opening. Out of it rises up a huge space vampire different from the rest. It climbs out towering over them.
Scathach steps back.
“W-what the hell is that?!”
“Oh man, it must be like the space vampire queen, dude!” Zorn exclaims.
Unexpectedly the Space Vampire Queen begins to speak, “You dare to come into my home and kill my children?!” She hisses then says, “I shall ring the blood from your bodies Earthlings! Long did I sleep on Mars waiting for life to develop on another planet capable of sustaining us. The Earth shall belong to us now!”
The Queen lets out a loud screech as she launches toward them. Jester and Zorn take shots at it as the group runs away, but their bullets have no effect.
“We’re going to need a bigger gun, dude!” Zorn yells.
They run outside of the cave.
“I have an idea,” Jester tells them.
He turns around materializing a meme magic card. He crushes it saying, “WTF Boom!” A powerful explosion collapses the entrance to the cave.
“Nice, man!” Zorn shouts.
But suddenly the Queen bursts through the rubble screeching in anger.
“Run for your lives!” shouts Jester as the group starts running again.
Scathach grabs Jester by the arm as she speeds up and Dr. Greist hops onto her back. Serhild picks up Zorn and starts speeding up as well. The Space Vampire Queen chases them until they reach the estate. Serhild kicks the boarded up front window breaking it, and the gang goes inside.
Rhea is floating there frightened.
“Are you guys ok?! And why are you bringing that thing here?!” She exclaims pointing at the Space Vampire Queen barreling towards the house.
“It’s alright Rhea, we came here to get away from that monster!” Jester yells back to her. “We need to hide.”
The Queen stops in front of the house and sniffs the air.
“I can smell you Earhlings. Don’t think you can hide from me!”
She smashes through the front of the house and scans the room. She notices the top of a head behind some boxes in the back of the room. Slowly she walks towards the boxes. Grabbing the box and tossing it aside she yells, “Found you!”
But behind the boxes is the ghost Rhea cowering frightened with a piece of cloth from Zorn’s shirt next to her.
The Queen stares at her.
“Huh? A ghost?”
Appearing behind the monster Serhild and Scathach strike her unprotected ankles. The Queen screeches in pain and stumbles, but then quickly swipes at them as she swings around. Serhild jumps out of the way, however, Scathach is hit and sent flying into a wall. She spits out blood as she falls to the floor. The Queen starts moving towards her.
Up above Jester and Zorn appear attacking the monster at range.
“No good, we can’t harm it unless we get a chance to aim for an unarmored spot,” Jester says as they attack.
The Queen picks up Scathach off the floor and says, “Hahaha! Your puny weapons can’t hurt me. Time to die!”
She laughs as she starts squeezing Scathach in her hand. Scathach screams in pain and yells, “Now would be a good time, Doc!”
A gummy bear monster appears behind the Queen. It jumps up onto the creatures back and starts to glow.
“What?! What is this creature doing?!” The queen exclaims as the gummy bear begins to glow brighter.
Suddenly the gummy bear monster explodes knocking the Queen off balance. Scathach’s body begins to change. Grabbing the sides of the hand holding her she forces it open and then kicks herself free from the grip. Landing on the ground she makes a powerful flaming swing with her axe. The strike hits the Queen’s arm hard as she bring it up to shield herself. The force of the swing causes her to slide backwards across the floor.
Looking down the Queen sees a deep smoking scar on her carapace, “W-What are you?! Is this really an Earthling?”
Laughing Scathach’s says, “This is the power of a demon! I’m going to squash you space bug!”
As Scathach rushes in, the Queen throws a punch at her, but she catches it with her hand. Then the Queen tries to punch with her other hand only to have it caught as well. They struggle veins bulging in Scathach’s head.
Taking advantage of the monster’s vulnerability, Jester positions himself to take a shot at the Queen’s head. He a volley from his jester staff gun striking her in the eye. The Queen screeches loudly in pain as her eye bursts. Serhild then jumps in and stabs it in the abdomen. Enraged the Queen pushes hard with her arms then kicks Scathach away. Then it swipes it’s wing blade backwards at Serhild who is forced to retreat.
“How dare you! I’m going to make your deaths as painful as possible!” Screams the Queen.
Scathach gets back up from the ground.
“OK, now I’m pissed! How about a BBQ!”
She begins to create a massive ball of fire above her head.
“Dude, no! You’ll burn down the house!” Yells Zorn.
“Like I care!” Scathach says as she launches the fireball at the monster.
Flames engulf the Queen as she screeches and start setting everything around her on fire. Everyone scrambles to get out of the house as the fire spreads. Once outside they watch as the whole building starts to burn down.
Zorn grabs Scathach, who is now back to normal on the ground exhausted, and begins to shake her.
“Look at what you did! Can’t even sell the place now! This sucks!”
“Well, at least we are alive,” Jester says shrugging. “Definitely no way that thing survived that. Last we’ll see of it… Oh, who am I kidding, that thing is probably still alive isn’t it?”
Sure enough out of the burnt rubble emerges the Space Vampire Queen.
“You are all dead,” she says laughs evilly as she walks towards them.
Jester laughs, “Actually, we still have one last ace up our sleeve. Serhild, now while it’s weakened, use your Overdrive!”
“Yeah, that’s the ticket!” Serhild smiles.
Her hair and eyes turn purple, robotic Valkyrie wings emerge from her back, and her spear glows with energy. She then charges at the Queen.
A huge spiral of energy starts growing at the head of the spear.
“Gungnir!” She yells flying through the air.
The Queen tries to shield herself with her arms, but the spiral of energy pierces right through her arms and out her back leaving a gaping hole.
“How can this be?! I… was… the strongest… how could I… lose to… Earthlings…” She exclaims as she collapses onto the ground dead.
Serhild powers back down steam coming out of her mechanical body.
“What an epic battle! I haven’t felt that alive in ages!”
“That was pretty damn awesome. You are one badass warrior, lady,” Zorn says.
Then Zorn turns to look at the rubble that was once the house.
“But my house though…”
The ghost Rhea comes flying out to greet them.
“I’m glad you’re all safe! Turns out that with the house destroyed I’m no longer bound here. So this is goodbye everyone!”
Jester waves at her, “See you later ghost girl. Too bad you won’t be able to come back and tell us what’s on the other side.”
The group nods in agreement as they watch Rhea begin to rise up into the sky. Suddenly, she stops. Looking down she sees Dr. Greist yanking on her ghostly tail with a vacuum like device.
“Where do you think you’re going? I still need to run some experiments!” Dr. Greist says as Rhea cries.
“No… NO! I want to go to heaven. Please, not the lab!” Rhea pleads.
Jester pulls Dr. Greist away from her, “Hey, come on, Doc! Leave the dead alone!”
Dr. Greist falls over laughing, “Hahaha I don’t need her to conduct my experiments! I just really wanted to pull her tail!”
The ghost girl just smiles, waves at everyone, and then floats up into the sky again and disappears.
“Well, I guess that’s that, then. See you on the other side, ghost girl,” Jester says.
“Yeah, see you! Don’t do anything too crazy,” Zorn says.
The gang rests as Dr. Greist examines the remains of the space vampires writing down notes.
“So much for our new headquarters. Hope you had insurance,” Jester says to Zorn.
“Yeah, I always make sure to get all of my bases covered, dude. Guess I’ll just say it was an electrical fire,” Zorn replies.
Serhild stands nearby.
“Sorry you’ll have to look somewhere else for a place to hang your hat Mr. Zorn.”
“Oh, it’s alright. At least I still have my apartment,” Zorn replies.
In the morning the gang heads back to the Jester Gang headquarters.
“I can play for ages now that I know the aliens can’t be after me anymore!” Serhild says as she runs off to her room.
Scathach yawns, “Man, I’m tired. Think I’m going home and getting some rest.”
“Alright, see you later. Watch out for trucks on your way back home,” Jester replies.
She glares at him, “Yeah, I think I learned my lesson the first time on that.”
Scathach leaves, and Dr. Greist had already returned to her lab leaving just Jester and Zorn.
“Well, dude, think I’m going to head home and get some rest as well. What a night that was! I’ll need to catch up on my video game time,” Zorn says.
Zorn leaves as well leaving Jester by himself.
Jester sighs and says to himself, “That was too close. Hopefully, we’ll finally be free of all that space vampire nonsense.”
At Dr. Greist’s lab she takes out a vial from her pocket and stares at it.
Smiling she says, “This sample should come in handy. Just think of what I could do with space vampire DNA!”
Putting the vial away she exits her lab and heads home.
